Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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