So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
