How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
