first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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