Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
