if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
my liver is dry heaving
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
