Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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