i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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