Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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