i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
