feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
