My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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