Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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