Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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