Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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