Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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