There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
