WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's never too late to be topless.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
