there were more penises there than on chat roulette
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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