I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
