You just made me feel so damn special
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
