Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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