If that was your dad, he is hot
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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