I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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