The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
