smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
