This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
