i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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