I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
