I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
