plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
