he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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