Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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