The maid of honor just puked.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I've blown a few things in my day
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
