he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
