Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
