Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
