Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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