69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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