We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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