It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
