we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
