Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
