YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
