How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Everything about him screamed your future.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
