I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
