Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
