im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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