I heard we made out
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
