I feel like abortions should bother me more
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
