there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
