Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
