Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
