I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
COCAINE IS GR8
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