he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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