the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
