you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
it glows. i had to have it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
