Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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